Ballroom dancing, conscious masculinity, and leadership

A reflection on my first American Smooth lesson

I like experiences.

To me, experiences are the currency of life.

I prioritize them. I diversify them.

The more I experience, the more connections I discover between different places, disciplines, arts, practices, etc.

Experiences are the material for my writing.

That’s one of my favorite things about being a writer. I get to live, to experience, and then write about my observations, reflections, and insights along the way. Then I get to share them for the benefit, enjoyment, or consideration of others.

Enter ballroom dancing, a new experience I’m exploring.

I had my first lesson this week. Of course, I expected to learn about the art of movement, rhythm, and technique. And I did.

What I didn’t anticipate was how deeply ballroom dancing, particularly as the leading partner (who is learning for the first time), would reveal about masculinity—specifically, a conscious expression of masculinity that both informs and transcends the physical movement of dance.

There is a masculine and feminine dynamic at play on the dance floor.

In that dynamic, ballroom dancing illustrates profound lessons on polarity, leadership, fluidity, control, and poise.

Becoming exceptional at this art, this discipline, is an exercise in mastering polarity.

Let’s dive in.

Firm but Fluid: The Essence of Masculine Energy

In ballroom dancing, particularly in styles like American Smooth, there’s a delicate balance between being firm and being fluid.

Very Bruce Lee.

As the lead, it’s essential to guide your partner with clarity and strength. But it’s not about rigid force. Rather, it’s a gentle firmness that signals direction without overwhelming your partner.

There’s a smoothness, an adaptability that allows for quick adjustments, moment-to-moment changes, all while staying present and grounded in the rhythm of the dance.

This balance between firmness and fluidity speaks directly to conscious masculinity. Masculine energy, when consciously expressed, is not about domination or forcefulness; it’s about quiet confidence that is flexible yet unshakable.

It’s the ability to stand firm in your values and intentions but remain open to the world, to your partner, and to life’s inevitable shifts.

Leading, Not Forcing: The Subtle Power of Graceful Leadership

Leading in ballroom dancing isn’t about pulling your partner or moving them like a puppet. It’s about offering an invitation through your movement.

The lead communicates through subtle shifts in the body, through the frame, and even the slightest weight changes. These cues are strong yet graceful, intentional yet nuanced. 

In life, this kind of leadership—leading without force—is a critical component of conscious masculinity.

True leadership doesn’t come from dominance, aggression, or loudness. Instead, it’s in the resoluteness of knowing where you’re going and inviting others along, allowing them to express themselves within the structure you provide. It’s the balance of being strong, but never overpowering.