Day 17

It’s common for us to go through life making attempts to get something that we were missing from one or both parental figures.

This shows up in career decisions, relationship decisions, definitions of success, methods of self-soothing, methods of control, and all sorts of things.

So when we heal that parental relationship, it doesn’t just affect the relationship we have with that parent. It affects several aspects of our lives.

And the thing is, this has very little to do with that actual person.

It’s far more related to the wound within ourselves that was left by our early life experiences with them.

So, most importantly, healing that parental relationship is really about healing our relationship with ourselves.

It doesn’t matter the life stage. I’ve worked with people in their sixties and seventies who are still looking for something from their father or their mother. Sometimes from them directly. Other times from the other people in their lives. Other times from the world.

There is still a child running the show, leading the business, showing up in the relationship.

So we work with that child to provide him or her with what she’s looking for. Not from anyone or anything else. From ourselves.

We are the source of whatever it is we are seeking.

And when we realize this, we free ourselves of attachment to anyone or anything else.

That means we free ourselves of expectations and needs.

When we nourish ourselves emotionally, we are no longer living in a malnourished way—looking for anyone or anything else to provide us with sustenance.

Then our relationships and our lives begin to reflect the fulfillment within us. And whatever form that reflection takes is of little importance.

The moment I provided myself with what I wanted from my father, is the moment I stopped wanting anything from him.

The moment I became my own father, is the moment my father became a man.

And, for the first time ever, I was able to truly see that man for who he is, because I was no longer looking for who I wanted him to be.

And when I was able to truly see him, I was able to truly love him.

I just had to love myself first.

I had to love myself so fully that the love of anyone else became unnecessary.

The love of others has become desert after a satisfying meal. Nice to experience, but ultimately unnecessary.

I’m impervious to what once enslaved me.

And I’m able to love more deeply than ever before.