Day 23

These days I treat my word like a contract.

This was not always the case.

I had lost credibility with my word long ago, because I used it strategically and fearfully to protect myself and people I loved, rather than authentically to express myself.

The result was that I used words like armor or a wand or sometimes a sword.

I wielded words to achieve some sort of an outcome.

I’d say things to avoid something.
I’d say things to experience something.

I could manipulate circumstances by talking.

This also meant I would just say things.

Say things without meaning them.
Say things without taking them seriously.
Say things and forget about them.

I first realized how flawed my relationship with my word had become when it hurt someone I loved.

I had said something and forgot about it. She didn’t.

And I hated that she was so hurt by my own lack of integrity, and I started to repair this relationship with my word, which, in many ways, reflected my relationship with myself.

And over time, this relationship strengthened, and I started to treat my word seriously. I started to remember what I said. I started to follow through on what I said.

And this was inconvenient at times. I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel like it sometimes. But I said I would. And so I did.

And this meant I started to be very intentional with what I said. I began to only say what I meant. Only say what I intended. Only say what was real and true.

And this made me realize how many people don’t. How many people just say things. Flippantly. Without intention. To manipulate, avoid, or placate. How many people are like I was, and I didn’t even realize it because I was doing it myself.

Meanwhile, my word started to become reality.

I said it, it happened.

I started speaking things into existence.

I started to trust what I said, and so others started to trust what I said.

My word is a contract between me and myself.

Between myself and God.

Sometimes that contract grows stale, and must be renewed, revised, or voided through the very word that crafted it. Change is allowed, but change that honors the sanctity of that which must be changed, the intentions with which it originated, and the well-being of those involved.

Sometimes unforeseen circumstances change things too. Even the law accounts for acts of God.

And, yes, sometimes, once in a while, I forget, because I am human.

The most important thing is that I mean what I say.

I say what I mean.

I honor the power of my word.

And I trust myself like never before.

Some days I don’t feel like meditating.

Some days I don’t feel like writing.

But I said I would, and here I am.

And maybe that’s why I said I would…

Because I knew if I said it, it would happen.