Days 38-52

Day 38

Hush now child, can’t you see?

There’s a place for you and me.

When you’re gone I’m lost at sea,

Stay right there, come home to me.

Hold my hand, no need to leave.

Just trust in life believe in me.

Feel it all. You’re safe, you’ll see.

One moment now and then we’ll be

Home.

Day 39

My friend, Diogo Snow, is a world-renowned artist.

He released this little figurine. He calls it “punkito.”

Little punk.

I have #12 of 50.

It represents his inner child. The younger part of him that was called a punk for tagging walls. The little punk that did graffiti.

The little punk that lives within him, and is expressed in his art.

The little punk, who he continued to keep safe.

The little punk he didn’t reject, but welcomed.

The little punk, responsible for his global success.

How many of us have little punks that we’ve rejected?

What would happen if we welcome them?

If we celebrate them?

Who is your punkito?

Day 40

How tired I am of fragile egos on grown men.

I still see it all around me, but the difference is I no longer try to soothe it.

I no longer try to fix it.

I let them live and learn.

They are not my father, and I’m not five, and I don’t need to fix someone else’s discomfort to keep myself safe.

And it took me decades to learn that I’m no longer five.

And I’m not responsible for the emotional state of people who can’t handle their own.

Day 41

Isn’t it interesting that music, a series of sounds, can make us feel a certain way?

What’s that about?

How can sound make us feel something?

I suppose it’s the same with abstract art.

How can it make us feel something?

A world-class violinist told me about how they learn these things.

Theory.

But where did that teaching come from?

Someone didn’t make up that a certain sound made them feel a particular way.

They just heard it and they felt that.

And then the mind analyzed why and turned it into theory.

And that theory is taught.

But it comes from someplace deeper.

Someplace unexplainable.

In art they have these theories, like the rule of thirds to create a balanced and visually appealing work of art.

But again, I ask, how did that become a rule?

Because we felt something, and then analyzed why.

The mind is always trying to explain what we Know.

Day 42

A client of mine rejected the anger within her.

She was afraid that if she didn’t, she’d be an asshole.

So I created a space safe enough for her to be an asshole.

A space to welcome the anger.

And she allowed it to be.

And she realized she was hurt, and sad, and afraid.

And she allowed that to be.

And she felt it all.

And she had no interest in being an asshole after all.

She experienced what happens within us all when we reject or suppress something.

It gets louder.

I asked if she wanted to say anything to this part of herself.

She said, “You don’t need to be so loud. I’m here. I’m with you. I’m listening.”

And it became quiet.

Because it was heard.

It only gets louder when it’s not heard, because it’s demanding to be.

So just listen, and you’ll see how peaceful everything wants to be.

Day 43

I tend to want to share only parts of myself with people.

Not all of myself.

Parts of myself.

This is a tendency of mine.

It’s safer to share parts, because parts are not all.

So I can be seen, but not fully seen.

Partially hidden.

Partially protected.

Selective in my expression.

And then someone comes into my life and makes me feel like I can share it all.

And I suppose that’s love.

It sure feels like it.

And I realize this is the very love we’re craving from the world.

And how that is really the love we’re craving from ourselves.

A love that welcomes all of who we are.

Day 44

They say expect miracles, but that can so easily be misconstrued.

We can so easily mistake miracles for the fulfillment of egoic desires.

And in doing so we forget that this very existence is a miracle.

So I do expect miracles, but the miracles are different.

The miracles I expect are a breeze.

The song of a bird.

The sunshine.

A warm welcome from someone I just met.

The familiar hug of someone I know well.

A loaf of blueberry bread.

Someone who trusts me.

Someone I trust.

A morning I woke up.

Day 45

I have an art exhibition coming up.

I asked if I can DJ it.

It’s been a creative dream of mine to curate the soundscape that accompanies my art.

The woman running it said I have full creative liberty.

That unlocked something within me.

Full creative liberty.

What else is possible?

A live painting. Yes. I’ll paint during it as well.

So I’ll have my art on display.

I’ll be playing the music.

And I’ll be making something new that embodies the frequency of that unique experience.

She said, I can’t wait to see what you make.

I said, “me too.”

Because I never really know until it’s finished.

Day 46

As long as we are alive, our breath is with us.

And as long as our breath is with us, we have a portal into peace.

Nothing else is needed for bliss but our breath.

Bring your attention to your breathing.

Take the slowest breath you’ve taken today.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Notice the rhythm of your breath.

Notice the moments of stillness between breaths.

Everything you want is here.

I promise you.

Everything you want is right here, right now.

Day 47

Your beliefs about who you are will shape everything in your life.

Your actions.

Your decisions.

Your relationships.

Your career.

Your finances.

Your health.

Your happiness.

Your peace.

Shift your gaze within.

Notice who you believe yourself to be and how that’s serving you.

Or how it’s not.

Begin to shift those thoughts into ones that are aligned with who you want to be and then look for evidence to support them.

Let your new self-concept act like a lens that identifies everything that agrees with it.

For each bit of evidence is like a brick being laid in this new identity construction.

And never forget that it is a construction.

Because who you really are is the one who is aware of that construct.

Who you really are is the space that allows for such a construct to exist.

Day 48

I used to think I was going to die at 32 years of age.

Not always consciously, but somewhere within me.

Because my uncle died at that age,

and then everyone started to talk about how similar we are.

And I was young and still developing a sense of self.

And people I loved replaced me with him.

Or him with me.

Not always consciously, but somewhere within them.

But now I believe there’s more of a future for me in this human form,

And I’m starting to think differently.

I’m starting to think about kids.

I’m starting to think about generations after me.

I’m starting to think about me in a rocking chair, as an old man, reflecting on more years than he once thought he had.

And I’m deeply aware that this is all just an idea.

Just a thought.

A cognitive creation.

Because the future is only a thought that we experience right here, right now.

Day 49

I showed up.

The dogs didn’t bark.

She said, “That’s weird. They always bark.”

The next day, I show up to my dad’s.

He’s watching a family member’s dog.

The dog always barks at anyone coming in.

He didn’t bark this time.

I’m not sure what this means, that the dogs aren’t barking.

But they aren’t.

And something is different.

Something is different, and the dogs are noticing.

Day 50

My spirituality is becoming so simple.

So, so simple.

Trust in God.

It used to be so complicated, because it was intellectual.

My spirituality was in my mind, and so it was complicated.

Now it’s in my heart, and so it’s simple.

It’s so simple.

I’ve stopped studying spirituality, and I’ve started experiencing it.

I’ve stopped thinking it, and I’ve started living it.

And life couldn’t be better.

Day 51

Other animals don’t experience anxiety and depression.

They may experience sensations that we’d label as such, but they don’t experience those things.

Because they don’t have a word for it. They don’t have a term for it.

They don’t have a DSM. They don’t diagnose one another.

If we journey back to Source, through the layers of physical, emotional, and mental awareness, we get back to raw sensation.

Vibrational experience.

Beyond labels.

And vibrational experience is never a problem.

It’s only when we label that vibrational experience as something that is a problem and needs to be fixed that the brain starts to search for solutions.

But what if no feeling was a problem?

Imagine a life in which no feeling was a problem.

That’s what I’m stepping into.

There is only direct experience, and, without the mind’s involvement, a direct experience is never problematic.

Sometimes that direct experience requires us to navigate something, meet a need, or remove ourselves from danger. Even so, where’s the problem?

The problem is just a mental concept that necessitates a cycle of fixing that tends to feed the very thing it is trying to solve for.

Enter into felt experience, and see there is no problem in how you feel, only sensation.

Day 52

I’m not trying to accomplish anything.