Days 53-90

From my journal to your screen

If you’re new here, let me provide some context. I did an experiment over the summer where I meditated every day for an hour for 90 days. Afterward, I wrote.

My first book, Notes on Awakening, came together in a similar fashion, although there was much less of an intentional process. This was more like committing to a practice and conducting an experiment given the knowledge that, when I take the time to be still, go within, and connect with source, something usually comes through me. My writing gives it a form. That form, a medley of personal musings and universal wisdom, is what we have here.

I began by publishing every day, as you can see in the archives of The Self-Explorers Club, but I didn’t like the idea of that many emails landing in your inbox. So I wrote these passages in my journal to put together here later.

And here they are.

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Day 53

Let your allegiance be to your heart.

Be committed to your authentic self-expression.

Prioritize your intuition more than the opinions of others.

Your opinion of yourself is the only opinion that matters.

Day 54

A lot of the difficulty in life comes from the mental drama surrounding tasks*.

Everything is quite simple without that drama.

Everything is quite easy without it.

The body is responding to your mental narrative.

That’s why it feels like a drag.

Drop the narrative and what do you get?

A series of remarkably simple actions.

*such as my taxes

Day 55

Ask your body, not your brain.

What’s right for me?

The body knows.

Ask your body, not your brain.

The body answers not in thoughts, but in feelings.

Listen to them.

Day 56

Imagine a life where something not feeling right was enough to say no.

And no other reason was needed.

That life is one decision away.

No other reason is needed.

Day 57

My client arrived at our session with a powerful realization:

“I’ve learned that my gut is far more intelligent than my brain.”

We could stop right now.

Day 58

We come into this world with nothing, and we leave this world with nothing.

How silly it is to prioritize the accumulation of things while we’re here.

How silly it is to be attached to the materials of this life.

You think you own. You don’t.

You only borrow.

You only borrow for a short while.

Day 59

Beautiful things have been coming into my life, and none of it has been surprising.

Unexpected, sure, in terms of the specifics, but not in terms of the energy behind it.

In fact, the way it feels has been completely expected.

When what we want to manifest feels natural, it’s ready to arrive.

Because it feeling natural is a sign that our frequency is aligned with it, whatever it may be.

There doesn’t need to be this enormous, effortful reach.

Expect. Collect. Receive.

Expect what you want.
Collect evidence of it happening.
Receive it into reality.

Day 60

Frequency first.

You are the source.

Frequency first.

You are Source.

Day 61

If you pay attention, you’ll see the universe is speaking to us all the time.

Forces are conspiring on our behalf, providing us with what we need, if only we see it and open ourselves to receive it.

Day 62

When I’m faced with a choice or a decision, I run through a series of questions:

What will I respect myself the most for?

What’s most in alignment?

What is the most interesting to me?

Day 63

I wrote a blog article years ago about a simple concept:

Every time we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else.

The idea was to help people be more selective with what they say yes to… to say yes intentionally in a way that reflects what’s most important to them.

It ended with a reframe on what it means to say no:

Every time we say no to something, we are saying yes to something else.

Saying no to the invite may be saying yes to your rest.

Saying no to the promotion may be saying yes to your well-being.

You get the idea.

These days I don’t like to think in such a binary, but it can be a useful mental model at times.

So here’s another mental model that’s helped clients of mine.

Are you moving toward or away?

Moving toward something is powerful. Moving toward is creative. Moving toward is generative.

Moving away from is avoidant.

Of course, that’s not always a problem. Moving away from an abusive situation, for example, is a solid move.

However, even in this case, the focus can shift from moving away from abuse to moving toward a life of safety, peace, and harmony.

What’s interesting is that the action itself can be exactly the same, but the frequency, the energetics of that action changes drastically.

The invitation is to use this question to spot subtle avoidant tendencies and live a life in which you are moving toward.

This is a life of growth, generation, contribution, purpose rather than fear, escape, and sedation.

Day 64

Live spontaneously, like the plants.

Grow in the direction of your light.
Blossom just because.
Do not rush.

Let your very existence be an act of grace.


Day 65

If you’re feeling down or having a rough day…
do a random act of kindness.

Do a random act of kindness,
and tell no one about it.

Buying a coffee for the person behind you is better than any pill.

Day 66

I measure my wealth by the amount of free time, joy, love, presence, purpose, and impact I experience.

Many of us are sacrificing those things in pursuit of more money, but what is it that you hope money will give you?

If you have that answer, than you can stop trading the end for the means.

Day 67

You can only experience intimacy by being yourself.

Otherwise no one really knows you.

And if you can’t be known, you can’t be seen.

And intimacy is to see into me.

Day 68

The darkest parts of you hold the brightest gifts.

Venture inward.

Go into the cave you’re most afraid to enter.

That’s where the gold is.

Then give that gold.

Give that damn gold.

Day 69

Make your aspirations your standards.

Make them normal.

Make them non-negotiable.

When you elevate your standards, your tolerance of anything less quietly diminishes.

You start saying no to anything that doesn’t align with them.

You start saying yes to everything worthy of you, simply because you choose your worth and own it.

We assign our value to ourselves.

We decide.

And when we do, the entire universe listens and responds.

Then what was once a future hope becomes a present reality.

Turn your dreams into Tuesday.

Day 70

There is an ease to my life now.

I breathe deeper, not by choice, but naturally.

And it’s natural because I made that choice over and over again.

I realized that life is simple outside of my thoughts, and so I let life be simple.

And I noticed that I had some resistance to simple. I had resistance to ease.

And then I realized I had been creating the chaos all along.

And I chose to stop. And I chose to love the part of me that wanted chaos because it was familiar. I chose to feel the part of my nervous system that found serenity uncomfortable because it was unfamiliar.

And I chose the unfamiliar.

Again and again.

And again.

And I created a new familiar.

Day 71

We seek around us whatever it we feel lacking within us.

Self-fulfillment is the end of all seeking.

There is nothing to add to the perfection that you are.

Day 72

Abundance. Freedom. Love. Joy.

These are not things you chase.

These are not things you achieve.

These are not things you earn.

You don’t have to chase, achieve, or earn who you are.

Day 73

That’s your greatest victory.

You flipped the script.

Your self-worth and fulfillment aren’t tied to anything outside of you.

You are free.

Day 74

What’s for you will never pass you by.

And, if it does, it will come back again.

It will come back again.

Day 75

What’s the difference between work and play?

Each consist of activities that are being conducted.

So what’s the difference?

Is the difference in the activities themselves?

No. Can’t be.

Some people do for work what others do for play. And some do for play what others do for work.

And look at the people who choose to solve problems in their free time through puzzles and games. And those who choose tense or suspenseful movies and books for entertainment.

Yet when problems present themselves in life, it’s daunting. Or when there is pressure at work, it’s overwhelming. Or when there is unpredictability in life, it’s fearful.

How come these things are not play? How come they are not entertainment?

It must be rooted in our relationship to those activities, how we perceive the tasks and situations before us.

And if that’s the case, we decide if it’s work or play.

Well, shit then.

I’m choosing play.


Day 76

A pattern of mine is that I don’t ask for help.

I take everything on myself.

I keep things to myself.

And then I feel overwhelmed.

The overwhelm, like any symptom, is a sign of something deeper.

It’s revealed this pattern. It’s surfaced the pain.

And it’s shown me where I’m in resistance to life.

For all suffering is rooted in resistance to life.

The truth is that what wants to happen through me is bigger than me.

It will require other people. Other resources.

It will require me receiving help.

All I have to do is ask for it and receive it.

Ask and receive.

Allow.

Allow.

Day 77

There is something so beautiful about momentum.

Every day has it’s own rhythm.

I find the rhythm is set early on.

And each day is a microcosm of a life.

And once the rhythm is established it’s challenging to change it.

Yet we can. We can change it at any time.

We can change anything at any time.

All it requires is a pattern interrupt.

One time when I was working in a mental health clinic and my patient was repeating the same story for the forty-fifth time. I started pouring my glass of water into the trash can next to my desk.

That was a pattern interrupt.

She looked at me, baffled. Then she laughed. Then I laughed.

She never repeated that story again.

Day 78

There is always something behind the thoughts, behind the emotions, behind the sensations.

There is always something behind your experience that is aware.

There is always something underneath it all.

And maybe that something underneath it all is the essence of who you are.

The deep I.

The witness.

Awareness itself.

Day 79

What if the suffering in our lives was there to guide us toward enlightenment?

What if the pain of separation was to guide us toward unity?

What if the emotional distress was there to guide us toward emotional freedom?

The stuff you like. The stuff you do.

The stuff that hurts. The stuff that heals.

The pain. The pleasure.

What if it was all in your favor?

Day 80

Is this a benevolent universe?

Your answer to that question underpins your entire experience of life.

If the answer is no, you will always find a way to perceive yourself as a victim of life’s circumstances. You will always find a way to complain. You will always find a way to suffer.

If the answer is yes, your entire life will be blessed. You will always find joy. You will always find a way to heal.

Day 81

You cannot think your way into presence, for presence is what’s there when thinking subsides.

When thinking subsides, you are still there.

Not the ego, but the truth of who you are.

Your egoic identity is based on past.

The truth of who you are is based in presence.

Or, perhaps, the truth of who you are is presence itself.

Day 82

It’s interesting when people say that if they were God they’d remove all suffering.

Or sometimes people question the existence of God because of suffering.

As if they know better than God, or would do a better job in that position.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Consider the suffering necessary.

It’s necessary for evolution.

It’s necessary for growth.

It’s necessary for ascendance.

It’s necessary for expansion.

Making suffering into such an awful thing is resistance to discomfort.

The resistance to suffering is where the real tragedy lies.

Look at the resistance to suffering in its various forms.

Notice the damage that does.

Stop blaming what’s here to help you.

Stop condemning what’s here to guide us.

Day 83

I think not being able to sit still in silence without a screen for 10 minutes is a very sad state of being.

And it’s increasingly common as we continue to train our brains to need constant stimulation. As we need to always have our attention occupied. As we condition our own limitation.

Luckily it’s entirely changeable.

How?

By sitting still in silence for 10 minutes.

Day 84

There are few words that I guard more carefully than the words that come after “I am.”

And when no words come after, I am the closest to the truth.

Day 85

The art of living is being able to function as a person without losing connectedness with who you are beyond that person: consciousness itself.

When you can live this way, life becomes a lot easier.

A lot more free.

A lot more light.

A lot more fun.

It doesn’t mean you won’t be challenged, but every challenge will strengthen that spiritual connection you have.

It doesn’t mean you won’t develop your person by acquiring skills, or positions, or experiences, or even possessions, but you will do all of this out of the joy of living, as a natural exploration of this experience… not in order to make yourself more complete.

You won’t try to find fulfillment in those things, because you are already fulfilled.

Day 86

Isn’t it funny that we have a relationship with ourselves?

What?

What other being has a self?

What other being has a relationship with that self?

It’s because of this relationship, that we get to transcend it.

It’s because I have a self, that I’m able to recognize that I am not that self.

I am the one who is aware of it.

Herein lies my spiritual realization.

Herein lies the gift of contrast.

Day 87

I really love myself today.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve said something negative about myself.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve thought something negative about myself.

I have my own back.

I respect myself.

I honor myself.

It wasn’t always this way.

I wish I could tell you exactly how it changed.

Simply and plainly.

I don’t believe I can right now.

It’s like I’m in an entirely new reality. An entirely new experience of life.

One that makes my prior ways feel foreign. Like someone else.

Different river, different man.

I wish I could say it right here, right now.

Instead, I’ve left breadcrumbs in my body of work.

Everything I’ve written.

All that I’ve shared.

Everyone I’ve supported.

Each conversation I’ve had.

Breadcrumbs.

Day 88

Imagine everything is working out, not against you, but for you.

All is unfolding in your favor.

This is the opposite of a victim mindset.

See the world through this filter and watch everything change.

Day 89

We seek new lands.

We lose the shore.

And we find ourselves in the ocean.

Day 90

The leaves will soon die and fall. 
And I will rejoice in the decline.
Nature will go dormant. 
And I will wish that humans would go dormant for a season too.
I will hear the orange, yellow, red corpses crunch beneath by boots.
And I will be reminded that even when the leaves die and fall.
The tree continues to live.