Don't wish for more willpower.
Try reducing the need for it.
When I was a child I used to set up my toys, like I was staging them. But I wasn’t just staging them to stare at. I was preparing them for action, like setting the stage for a scene in a play.
We could psychoanalyze why I did that, but I’ll pay someone for that.
Okay fine, we’ll do a little. But only because it will tie into the point of this post.
I was probably exercising control over an environment that felt entirely out of control. By arranging the environment of my toys, I could influence their lives in ways I wasn’t able to influence my own.
Like many strategies that stem from trauma, there was some utility to this. And that utility still applies today. And it doesn’t have to come from fear.
Setting the stage can be intentional and wise, driven not by a maladaptive need to control our surroundings, but from the intelligent use of our ability to influence them.
That ability can really support us.
There’s a story I keep hearing from clients, family, and frankly myself at times.
It’s a very human story.
It goes like this:
“I want to do the thing. I even know how to do the thing. But for some reason—I’m just not doing the thing.”
Sound familiar?
It’s very easy to treat this like a personal shortcoming.
When we think about change, we usually go straight to our inner world: our habits, our thoughts, our mindset, our willpower.
And that stuff matters.
But there’s a key ingredient we often overlook:
Environment.
Your environment is influencing you all the time. The question is—in what ways?
The Invisible Hand
Let’s start with the obvious: if your kitchen counter is covered in cookies, guess what you’re more likely to eat?
If your workspace is cluttered and dismal, how clear and energized do you feel?
If your phone buzzes every 4 seconds, how deeply can you focus?
Our surroundings cue us, shape us, direct us—without us even realizing it.
We like to think we’re making free, rational choices… but we’re often living out a script written, or at least co-written, by our environment.
The Setup
We tend to blame ourselves when change is hard.
“I just need to be more disciplined.”
“If I really cared, I’d find the time.”
“I’m so bad at sticking with things.”
But often, the issue isn’t with you.
It’s with the setup.
Trying to change your behavior without changing your environment is like trying to grow a plant without sunlight or soil or water. You can talk to it. Meditate near it. Play it music.
But if it’s sitting in a dark cupboard, it’s just not going to thrive.
So if you feel like you’re lacking willpower and just need more of it, consider where you can get smarter about how you set up your world.
That is, consider how you can reduce the need for willpower.
The Shifts
Here are a few examples of simple shifts that can make a huge difference:
Want to read before bed? Put the book on your bed each morning so it greets you at night.
Want to work out in the morning? Pack a gym bag the night before and put it across the room with your phone (or other alarm) next to it.
Want to eat healthier? Fill your fridge door with nutritious options that are convenient to grab.
Want to meditate more? Create a cozy little corner with a cushion and candle—make it inviting.
These are somewhat cliché examples, but useful nonetheless. What’s more important is the line of thinking they represent:
What change do I want to make?
How can I adjust my environment to make that change easier?
The key? Make your environment do some of the work for you.
Minimize friction.
Willpower is needed less that way.
The People
Now let’s zoom out a little further.
Environment isn’t just the stuff around you—it’s the people around you, too.
The conversations you have. The culture you live in. The energy in your home. The way you feel walking into a room.
The people you’re around can lift you up—or hold you back.
Make you feel safe—or make you feel uneasy.
And one of the most underrated forms of self-care is intentionally surrounding yourself with people who see you—who accept you, support you, and want you to be the fullest expression of yourself.
Our desire for belonging is biological.
Loneliness, isolation, and disconnection aren’t just hard emotionally—they’re linked to serious health risks.
So if something feels “off” in your life, ask yourself:
Who am I spending time with?
Do I feel seen, heard, supported?
What kind of conversations am I regularly in?
Sometimes the most meaningful lifestyle upgrade isn’t a new habit—it’s a new community.
What’s Your Environment Encouraging?
So yeah, this is about how you can influence your environment so it influences you in the ways you want.
We’re playing change chess, not checkers.
Look around you—right now.
What’s in your space?
What’s on your walls, your table, your fridge?
What’s on your phone?
Does your environment reflect the life you’re trying to create? Is it supportive of the changes you’re trying to make?
If the answer is “not yet,” that’s okay. That’s where you begin.
This isn’t about overhauling everything overnight.
It’s about tuning in. Making micro-adjustments.
Leveraging the influence of your surroundings by shaping them—consciously, intentionally, purposefully.
You’re not lazy.
You’re just ready for a space that better supports your becoming.
Yes, perfect!
Bingo! 🙌🏼