Get clear on your fears.

How exposing your worries robs them of their power.

Anxiety is rooted in fear, particularly a feared future (imaginary) outcome, which is perpetuated by our resistance to the uncertainty is generates.

If you pay attention to anxious thoughts, a lot of them begin with "What if..."

They pose a question and, because the answer to that question is uncertain, we tend to get lost in uncertainty. This is unsettling to the nervous system, and the brain, as part of that nervous system, generates other “what if” scenarios. Not the fun kind.

So what to do?

I know, I know. You’re expecting me to say embrace and integrate the underlying fear, thereby dissolving the inherent absence of ease that uncertainty generates for you and unlocking emotional freedom, and use this as a prime opportunity to practice trusting in yourself (self-confidence) and trusting in life (spiritual confidence).

I’ve said that before. And, knowing me, I’ll say it again.

So let’s talk about something a little different (that actually provides an inroad to those other things if you want it to).

There's a little strategy I use once in a while. With myself. With clients.

It’s not my go-to, because uncertainty is a truth that we owe it to ourselves to get comfortable with. Being at peace with uncertainty is a sign of spiritual maturity.

But the ego tends not to like it.

And the ego, as the agent of anxious thought, also doesn't like to be ignored.

So sometimes it's fun and useful to play by the ego's rules.

Sometimes it's fun to provide some answers to its questions and give it a semblance of certainty—albeit fictional certainty—it can rest its head on.

And sometimes this can actually generate opportunities for the deeper work.

The thing about fear is, it’s an impediment to action.

And the thing about fear is, we don't like to feel it. So we tend to avoid it.

We are enslaved by whatever we avoid.

So what if we embraced our fears? What if we turned toward the fears that block us from action and followed them?

Could that reduce the inner friction that causes so much suffering? Could that support us with overcoming fear and living how we want?

Let’s see.

When we place too much importance on our fears, they become heavy and complicated. When we don't get clear on our fears, they are like a monster under the bed.

A heavy, complicated monster.

Let's look under the bed.

In reality, most of us dramatically underestimate our ability to handle our feared outcomes. And it’s not the event itself we’re afraid of—it’s our emotional reaction to it... the way we believe it would make us feel.

So what we're really afraid of is our own pain.

When we are not longer afraid of our emotional experience, we are free.

Let me share a story about a client of mine, a leader at a Fortune 500 company that’s currently navigating a storm of uncertainty and organizational upheaval.

In our last session, his anxiety was palpable, driven by a relentless chorus of “what if” questions: “What if the company goes under? What if I lose my job? What if everything I’ve worked for disappears?” These questions, left unanswered, created a vortex of dread.

So I paused for a moment and asked him, “What if?”

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you keep asking what if... so what if those things happened?"

"What if I lost my job?"

"Yeah, what if you lost your job?"

He rubbed his forehead and looked up and to the left. This eye position is a sign that someone is constructing something visually (see: imagining). It was clear that he’d been so consumed by the question that he’d never thought to answer it or actually think through the scenario.

"Take your time."

After a moment, he said, “Well, I’d have to look for a new job.”

"Terrifying," I joked.

We explored what they might look like. Most of his fears around this were financial, so we assessed how long his finances would last him, the likelihood of a severance, what he could do for money while he looked for another position, etc.

And yes, I understand money is a tough one (that’s why I chose it) and not everyone makes the income of a corporate leader. So if anything is coming up for you around that, remember that, if you’re reading this, it’s unlikely you’ll ever be 1) without money entirely, 2) without any way to access money, and 3) without any way to generate money for yourself.

I can help you work through any and all financial fears and limitations, but that’s not what we’re doing here. So back to what we’re doing here.

Which was fully entertaining this client’s fear so that we could sniff out its trail like two weird bloodhounds.

Company going under. Laid off. I’d have to look for a new job.

"So what I'm hearing is, if this awful event happened, you'd figure it out and find a way through"

"Yes. I suppose I would." His shoulders relaxed. His breath, deeper.

“You suppose?”

“I know I would.”

Great. Now we’re accepting of the fear and the ability to handle it. Now for my favorite question of all...

“And what would be the opportunity there?”

He certainly never thought about this. He certainly never entertained the opportunity hidden in this overwhelming fear.

“I suppose I could take a couple of weeks to travel. Maybe a road trip up the coast. I've been wanting to do that but it's been hard to find the time for it. Then I’d start interviewing. I already know a few companies that are hiring. I could even find myself in a position that's more aligned.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.”

His entire demeanor shifted. The weight he’d been carrying evaporated as he realized he could not only handle the feared scenario, but there were aspects of it he even looked forward to.

By exposing his fears and answering those “what if” questions, he reduced their power. He moved from a place of panic to one of possibility. And ironically, by caring less about the outcome, he put himself in a more relaxed, effective state to navigate these rocky times… meaning the feared outcome is less likely to happen.

We don't operate well under fear, even though some people like to think they do. Especially "high achieving" types who have been driven by the fear of not being good enough or safe enough their entire lives.

There are certainly other, more foundational and root cause ways of dissolving fear. This is simply a fun little exercise that can help take the mask off the Scooby-doo villain that's running around in our heads.

When we answer the “what if” questions, we rob our fears of their mystery.

Uncertainty is the breeding ground for anxiety, but uncertainty itself isn’t the enemy. In fact, as many of my clients find, uncertainty is a gift—a portal to growth. Learning to sit comfortably with uncertainty accompanies spiritual evolution. It’s an acknowledgment that we don’t control outcomes, and we don’t need to.

The key here is reducing the importance we’ve placed on the things we fear, by exposing them as something we may not always like, but would always be able to manage.

When something feels less monumental, less dire, we relax. And from that relaxed place, we take more effective action.

Here's how you can do this. Start by writing down your biggest fears about a particular situation or area of uncertainty you're experiencing. Ask yourself:

1. What is the worst-case scenario?

2. If that happens, how would I handle it? What would I do?

3. What resources or support systems would I utilize?

4. Are there any opportunities hidden in this outcome?

You’ll often find that the worst-case scenario isn’t nearly as bad as your mind made it out to be. And more importantly, you’ll realize you’re capable of managing it—maybe even thriving because of it.

This isn’t about being reckless. It's about being calm and clear.

The paradox is that when we care less about the result, we often get better results. Why? Because we’re no longer working from a place of fear and constriction, but from one of confidence and flow (more on this later).

So the next time you feel overwhelmed by fear, get curious about the fear itself. Reduce uncertainty by following those fearful thoughts through to the other side. Take them out of the shadows, shine a light on them, and watch how unterrifying they become.

You’ll find freedom—not in controlling every outcome, but in knowing you can handle any outcome.

There's freedom in knowing you'll be ok no matter what.