How to Not Ruin Dinner

Three Simple Strategies for Better Communication, More Understanding, and Less Conflict

Recently, a client of mine came to me wanting to work on communication—not the corporate kind where we had been exploring leadership strategies, growth culture, and interpersonal effectiveness with colleagues—but the deeply personal kind. The kind with family.

He wanted to have challenging and sensitive conversations with his loved ones without, as he put it, “ruining dinner.”

It’s something many of us struggle with: maintaining connection, compassion, and understanding when tensions run high or when we need to express something sensitive.

Our session crystallized in three concrete, easy-to-implement approaches for navigating these conversations productively and with care.

So, let’s talk about these simple, powerful ways to level up your communication and strengthen your relationships.

1. Replace Judgment with Curiosity

Judgment impedes understanding and, as a result, severs connection. It creates a sense of separation by putting oneself “above” another based on one’s opinions, perspectives, or beliefs. When we judge, we’re essentially declaring that our own thoughts and feelings are correct, therefore saying, “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” and that drives a wedge between people (as is so abundantly clear at this time). We separate ourselves from whatever we judge, othering that person and no longer seeing ourselves as connected with them. This leads to all sorts of conflict and violence, on small and large levels.

So, what’s the alternative? Curiosity. When you catch yourself judging, pause and try to replace that judgment with curiosity. Instead of deciding someone is wrong, ask yourself, “Why do they see things this way?” or “What might they be experiencing that’s leading them to act like this?” or “How did they come to that belief?”

Curiosity stems from a genuine desire to understand, and it paves the way for connection. Even if you don’t agree with someone, you can still feel connected with them by understanding where they’re coming from. That sense of connection then naturally leads to compassion (see: a better world).

It’s about asking questions, exploring, and remaining open. Next time you find yourself judging someone, in even the smallest of ways (starting small helps), try getting curious. The questions you ask yourself will help you acknowledge the uncertainty that exists and shape the questions you ask others as you seek to understand their experience.

You can try something like, “Can you tell me more about why you feel this way?” Watch how this small shift opens the door to understanding and strengthens your connection with the people you care about most.