I wrote this 7 years ago...
Mental Alchemy (unedited)
April 2, 2018
Today I heard a car alarm outside my office. It would not shut off. It just kept going. I got annoyed. I became irritated. So here's what I did. I recorded it.
When I got home, I plugged in my headphones and listened to a recording of the car alarm. I listened to it for 15 minutes straight. I listened to it until it no longer bothered me. I listened to it until my mind stopped adding to the noise. I listened until the commentary of my dissatisfaction faded into the distance. I listened to this car alarm until the space between subject and object melted away. There was no longer the car alarm and the annoyed self. There was only the car alarm. I smiled. I listened to it until it became enjoyable.
See, I concern myself far more with my internal world than my external. After all, the inner determines the outer. We color the world with our own perceptions. Our own beliefs.
The inner world is where all fulfillment exists. It's the end result of all goals: how we feel. There is nothing I want that I cannot give myself right now.
What a beautiful instrument the mind is. We can transform our world with thought alone.
Our experience of our life is largely the commentary we have about life. Think about it (see what I mean?), everything is flavored by our interpretations. Our mind has chatter about almost everything that happens. Events happen throughout our day and our minds talk about these events. Our minds label them as good or bad. Our minds form an opinion. Our minds are constantly answering the question: "What does this mean?" So meaning we make. And that meaning determines our experience of life.
I know, for many of us, our thoughts can be our worst enemy. Our minds can be a scary and depressing place, indeed.
This is mainly because 1) we accept our thoughts as facts and 2) we do nothing to change them. So we just let them sit there, these stale thoughts. We keep repeating the same stories. Over and over and over again. The story of me, directed by me, starring me. Problem is that we are often the victim in our stories, rather than the hero.
Allow me to show you how to be the hero.
This is about changing the way you construct meaning.
If our thoughts about life determine our experience of life, this is great news. That means that through a shift in thinking (our meaning-making), we can change our reality.
Welcome to Mental Alchemy.
My definition for mindset is simply a mode of meaning-making. A healthy, resourceful mindset leads to empowering meanings that lead to better states and better decisions. A unhelpful mindset leads to disempowering meanings that lead to harmful states and damaging decisions.
This is not about right or wrong. This is about determining whether a meaning serves us or not, and acting accordingly. This is about changing your mindset for a better life.
A change in mindset is called a reframe. Reframing is a powerful, yet simple process that involves changing our meaning of events and circumstances in our lives. Do it right, and you can use reframing to be the alchemist of your reality, effortlessly transforming negative situations in the direction of your choosing.
Here the top 5 mindsets I've used to transform my life:
1) Replace judgment with curiosity: I find judgment of others to be entirely unhelpful. I no longer allow it within myself. Whenever I find myself judging someone else, I always remind myself of this one. I replace judgment with a genuine interest in understanding the forces that are shaping someone's actions, no matter how much I might disagree with them or how much they might bother me. This helps me be more effective with others and more compassionate, both of which lead to better outcomes. This has also helped me to develop fascinating insights into human behavior that have improved all of my relationships and my work with others. I believe everyone has something to teach me.
2) All growth happens outside my comfort zone: Like many people, I used to avoid the things that made me uncomfortable. Today, I approach those things. I invite them into my life (see: listening to a car alarm for 15 minutes). Whether it comes to exercise, cold showers, fasting, or public speaking, I understand that discomfort leads to growth and improvement. Today I seek out many uncomfortable situations, knowing that they will give me the opportunity show myself just how much I am capable of.
3) There are no failures, only lessons: I used to fear failure in a huge way. I struggled with perfectionism for many years. This would prevent me from trying new things and making mistakes, which ironically was the biggest mistake of all. I no longer believe in failure. I call failing learning, because every "failure" provides an education. I walk away with a new understanding and an opportunity to try again in a different way.
4) Everything is an opportunity: This is one of my favorites. I try to look for the opportunity in everything. Sometimes I have to get creative, but I believe that every single thing that comes into my life is a chance to practice and cultivate something. For instance, a long line is a chance to practice patience. An irritating person or situation is a chance to practice patience and acceptance. A stressful project is a chance to improve my skills and abilities. Difficulties and setbacks are chances to practice resilience and perseverance. Challenges are a chance to prove myself. This applies to all things. Everything is a teacher.
5) Emotions are action signals: I believe that emotions communicate information. I treat emotions like action signals. When I feel an emotion, now I immediately enter problem-solving mode and think about what I need to do. Emotions are a call to action. If I'm feeling down, I exercise, spend time with a loved one, laugh at something silly, or dance to some music. If I'm anxious, I meditate, read, or approach what is causing me anxiety, such as by preparing or taking action to resolve it. If I am feeling stressed, I write down all the things I have to be grateful for. It's hard to be grateful and fearful at the same time. If I'm happy, great. I keep doing what I'm doing.
6) Every moment is a chance to start new: In meditation there's this phrase: "begin again." The phrase is intended to help you recenter when you inevitably get distracted by thought. Rather than get frustrated or resist the fact that thought took over, you gently return to your breath, or any other object of meditation. I carry this idea throughout all aspects of my life. If I make a mistake or something doesn't work out, I begin again. If I am trying to quit a bad habit and I give in to impulse, I begin again. Every moment is a chance to begin again, regardless of your past. It's an opportunity to start down a different path. To change the trajectory of your life. To eat better, to exercise, to stay calm, to love, to appreciate, to give. With every breath, comes a chance to decide to live to your maximal potential and act accordingly.
7) Amor Fati (Love Fate): Everything that happens to me is the best thing that could possibly happen to me. I learned this one from a bartender in Poland. I then read about it in a book by Deepak Chopra. This is Nietzche's formula for human greatness. My philosophical pursuits led me further down the path of Amor Fati, which I explored through my study of stoicism. Life doesn't happen to me, it happens for me. This is the belief that everything was meant to happen. It’s about embracing all that comes into your life, as if you had chosen it.
"Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy." - Epictetus.
Amor Fati is a love of what happens. Not to wish for anything to be different. This might sound ridiculous to some; I know it did for me at first. Then I realized, what other choice do I have? Would it be better to resist and complain about what comes into my life? Of course not. After something happens, there is no other logical option but to accept it. That's peace.
But the real power comes when we not only accept it, but embrace it. Rejoice it. Feel as if the universe has your back. That everything in your life was chosen for you. Selected for you. That all that happens is the best possible thing that could happen. Adopt this belief and watch life transform before your eyes. Everything becomes fuel for greatness.
As Marcus Aurelius wrote, "A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”
That's true alchemy.
Someone very important to me reflects a lot. I rarely do.
The past doesn’t enter my mind very often.
Reading things like this makes me realize how valuable or insightful it can be to revisit the past once in a while.
It’s fascinating to read my thoughts from seven years ago. To see what I was learning, pondering, exploring. To see how far I had come and, still, how much I had yet to discover.
There are things I would write about differently today, such as my relationship with my emotions, which I now understand as far more than “action signals.”
Certain things have shifted with time—like my deficit-driven penchant for self-improvement and the pursuit of voluntary discomfort, the surface-level kind that once served as a proxy for the deeper wounds I wasn’t ready to face. Or my somewhat compensatory self-assuredness.
And still, there are many things here that have stayed the same or deepened over time, such as the way I search for the opportunity in everything and my unwavering belief in our ability to shape our internal world and transform our experience of reality.
Some things have become permanent, such as number seven—the tattoo I now have across my fingers: Amor Fati.
A lot has transpired since I wrote this.
A lot of beautiful things.
A lot of painful things.
And it all happened for me.
And it all happened for everyone.
And it all was the best possible thing that could have happened.
And it all couldn’t have happened any other way.
And I love it all.
And I love it all.