The Simple Feedback Loop That Shapes Our Reality

How your stories create your life.

So much of our experience of life is made up of the stories we tell ourselves. And we tell ourselves stories about pretty much everything.

Our minds are little three pound meaning-making machines that strive to judge, interpret, and comprehend everything going on around us, because, historically, that has been essential for our survival.

These perspectives are shaped by our beliefs, which have a profound impact on our reality, forming narratives that frame our experiences and influence our emotions, thoughts, and actions.

One powerful way in which our mind’s stories shape our lives is the BEC feedback loop.

No, not Bacon, Egg, & Cheese. Although that would be lovely.

I’m referring to the Belief-Evidence-Confirmation Feedback Loop (capitalized for dramatic effect).

The Power of the Story

At its core, the belief-evidence-confirmation feedback loop demonstrates how our stories about life shape our perceptions and experiences. The story we choose to tell ourselves about life—whether it’s filled with hope and positivity or laced with doubt and negativity—affects our emotions. These emotions, in turn, influence our thoughts, decisions, and actions, ultimately leading to different outcomes observed in our reality.

So we emotionally respond to our stories, and then those emotions influence our behavior, leading to tangible outcomes in our lives.

This is a very logical way of explaining manifestation to someone, by the way.

It’s a stretch for many to believe that our thoughts carry a vibration that attracts their content into our physical reality like a magnet. But understanding that our thoughts shape the way we feel and that the way we feel further influences what we think, say, and do, leading to certain outcomes in our lives?

Pretty hard to deny that.

Seeking Evidence: The Role of Confirmation Bias

Once we hold a belief, we naturally seek out evidence to confirm it.

You’ll find whatever it is you’re looking for (except for those car keys, am I right?).

Our stories are authored by our beliefs.

This is where confirmation bias comes into play. Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, and remember information that aligns with our pre-existing beliefs.

Our minds are constantly scanning the environment, looking for cues that fit our narrative… and the world is full of things to pay attention to. We can always find something to support our story. The evidence is there; it’s a matter of what we choose to focus on.

And we focus on whatever we’re looking for.

Think of it like a metal detector. As such, it identifies metallic objects. It doesn’t detect plastics, glass, wood, gemstones, or ceramic. There may be an abundance of those materials around, but the metal detector would not detect them. Why? Because it’s designed to detect metal.

That’s how this confirmation bias is. It’s like we’re a metal detector, and the metal is anything that supports our beliefs—evidence that our stories are true.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Anticipation and Confirmation

As we look through this lens of our stories and anticipate evidence that supports our beliefs, we’re more likely to notice it when it appears.

Scanning, scanning, scanning, scanning. Beep. Yes, metal.

So we look for the evidence of our beliefs (anticipation) and we find it (confirmation). This confirmation strengthens our belief, reinforcing all the stories we tell ourselves that are attached to it.

“No one likes me.”

Three people smile at you (not metal). One person doesn’t make eye contact (metal).

Beep.

“See, no one likes me.”

This process becomes a self-perpetuating cycle: the belief shapes our perceptions, we find evidence to support them, and this evidence confirms the belief (further solidifying its beliefyness).

Rinse and repeat.

Emotions and Actions

The emotions cultivated by our stories have a tangible impact on our actions.

A self-supportive narrative can lead to feelings of optimism, motivation, and confidence, driving us to take proactive steps and make decisions that lead to favorable outcomes.

Conversely, a self-defeating story can breed feelings of hopelessness and fear resulting in actions (or inactions) that align with these emotions, often leading to less desirable outcomes.

We are feeling beings in a vibrational universe.

As much as we like to think we are driven by logic, we make emotional decisions…even if we use logic to rationalize them after the fact.

This relationship between our emotional state and the way we show up in our lives, interact with others, navigate challenges, take care of ourselves, manage tasks and responsibilities, etc. is undeniable.

Note: Our mental narratives and our emotional states tend to hold hands. It’s a bidirectional relationship. Thoughts lead to feelings, but feelings can also lead to thoughts (like when you’re hangry and start to think about how you wish this article was over… did someone reference a breakfast sandwich earlier?). In either case, the emotional impact on our actions is significant and profound (like when I go get food the moment this is over).

Using a more relevant example from just before, if someone thinks no one likes them, then looks for and finds (or at least interprets) evidence of someone not liking them, they may feel sad. And if they’re sad, they may choose to ignore or turn down an opportunity for social connection. Which then would lead to……

The Spiral Effect (effect, effect, fect, ect)

This BEC feedback loop can create an upward spiral or a downward spiral.

For example, when we have self-supportive beliefs, we cultivate renewing emotions, which drive resourceful actions that are more likely to lead to favorable outcomes. These outcomes then reinforce those self-supportive beliefs, creating a cycle of growth and expansion.

Note: Back when I used to work predominantly with people experiencing depression, this whole “spiral up” idea was key, as many found themselves deep in a hole that was dug through spiraling down. Understanding this feedback loop was a game changer and, in some cases, a life saver.

On the other hand, self-defeating beliefs can lead to depleting emotions, driving damaging actions (or no action at all) resulting in unfavorable outcomes. These outcomes reinforce the self-defeating belief, perpetuating a cycle of decline and stagnation.

So that person before who believes no one likes them turns down an opportunity to socialize, which then leads to isolation from others. This isolation generates evidence confirming a reality in which no one likes them. And so they continue to seek that evidence and live from that place, slowly solidifying this reality for themselves.

Luckily for this totally made up person (sorry, Steve), that doesn’t have to be the case…

Choosing Your Story

The beauty of the belief-evidence-confirmation feedback loop is that it offers us choice points.

We have the power to change our beliefs (thank you, neuroplasticity).

By consciously choosing to tell ourselves a different story—a perspective that supports us in the direction of our choosing—we will start to look for a new set of evidence.

As we find it, we will confirm that new story and, in the process, influence our emotions, thoughts, and actions in ways that lead to a more fulfilling experience of life with more enjoyable outcomes.

Do that enough times and you have a new belief… a new belief that fosters a new reality.

Confirmation Bliss

This self-perpetuating cycle has the potential to transform our lives, helping us spiral upwards toward greater and greater levels of well-being, fulfillment, and joy (or any other states you find appealing).

Rather than trying to break free from confirmation bias, the trick is to use it to your advantage by giving yourself new, more uplifting and empowering things to confirm.

Turn this little glitch to a feature.

Grab a journal.

What story do you want to tell yourself?

What perspective would you like to try on?

What would be the most legendary, epic outlook on yourself and life?

What evidence would you love to look for?

What belief do you want to confirm?

Write it down in the morning, collect evidence throughout your day, and confirm it by the evening.

I’ll start: I am destined to have a Bacon, Egg, & Cheese.

-Zack